...His compassions never fail...

Utterly Changed for Him - 10 months later

2010-11-04T23:51:00.000-07:00

Its almost 2 am. I am so pumped about EVERYTHING. Yes it sounds like I just had coffee and no I didn't. I just finished writing thank you letters to people I love, and supporting a child's christmas in Africa. If I was ever going to be an evangelistic Christian... it would be right now!

This must be what people feel like when they are shouting about the love of Jesus on a street corner.

Okay, so right now... I have a Jesus high, but its amazing how someone can change through trials and time. The last time I blogged I had just joined HPSM and finished my orientation week where David Wray at Healing Place Church, smoked us on giving it all and being ruined for God.

I was praying at the alter with such trepidation about the next few months of my life. I couldn't get excited about it and then I got prayed for by a prayer warrior...I'd rather refer to her as a prayer hero.

So as my prayer Hero was tearing down fear, I was bracing myself for this next ten months. Im now on the other side of it, oh and let me tell you........... it was hard. Probably, emotionally, the hardest ten months of my Jesus lovin life. Separation, insecurity, healing, depression, compression, failure, victories, sifting, helplessness, hopefulness and in the end - Peace.

Words can not fully contain the change and the peace in my heart. Risking vulnerability and allowing people to walk through the battles with you, confronts the very things your afraid of. And you Heal. Instead of my head swimming with I can't, my head is swimming with "How in the world can I be this peaceful, restful, speechless?

Three words baby, Love Of Christ.

Utterly Ruined for Him

2010-02-03T18:01:00.000-08:00

Ruined... its the only work I can think of to describe brokenness. To be so messed up by something that your aren't suitable for another purpose. That's my definition.

Today I had the opportunity to spend time serving a family. This dwelling housed apparently over 2o people under one roof. By circumstances of misfortune and lack, life is being lived like this in our neighborhoods.

What touched my heart most today was that some of the adults living in this residence seemed to be disabled or challenged in some way. They were being taken care of in an environment that couldn't take care of its self in today's 'American' standard. Bathrooms had no doors, bedrooms had no space and dishes saw no hot water.

I thought, Lord, what drives people to hopelessness, destitution, depression? I saw one man in a moment of an embarrassing situation, hold his hands over his eyes as if hiding. It took hours for my heart to weep as I thought of how numb you have to become to overcome situations that your never thought you'd be in.

No one grows up and says, I want to be poor. No one grows up and says, I want to starve today, be exposed, abandoned or abused today. So when it happens, you hide. You hide inside yourself every time shame arrives and before long...the expressions on your face are not your own. They are constructed of years of hiding or finding a place to cope with what you feel you cannot change. And then maybe... you never try to leave that place because now, its your life and dreams aren't achievable, hope is deferred and healing is not in your vocabulary. Then, there's Jesus.

How does He heal the hurting? I'm not sure, but I know He does... one day, one action and one moment of grace at a time.

To me... Ruined for the world leaves your stranded and useless. Ruined for Him means the world cant use you alone, but He can and He can use you to change the world.

Two weeks in, one week left...

2009-09-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

I probably started this blog four times... at some point before sitting down to type, something philosophical was in my mind. I lost it :)

There is so much going on in my mind and heart. Its hard to come to any destination for a set period of time and not have an expectation of change. Of course the ultimate point to a missions trip is to be of service to the community and to the people around you. Yet I am desperate to walk away a different person.

I'm a feelings junkie, I confess. I may want to feel it, but more importantly I want to live it. How do you relay that message to the Holy Spirit? I think if I scream it out the people in the mountains would be very alarmed :) How do you shake off the old and put on the new, how do you beg your Almighty Father to rain down and change you with water and fire? More so, what does it look like? Feel like?

We've read and even talked about the amazing missionaries, pastors and evangelists who walk with such authority in the name of Jesus Christ....are we willing to pay the same price they are/did? Are we willing to serve our Abba with the same time and surrender and it takes to be empty of self and full of Christ to carry that authority?

I think about this often, I pray that I am willing but my actions will be the test. Lord I need so much help becoming the woman of God my heart desires and hungers for. Help me seek your face and not a feeling.

Amazing Long Term Vison...

2009-09-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

... Just so you know.. its not my amazing long term vision... :)

I am always moved and encouraged by other peoples 'amazing long term vision' which will now call a.l.t.v.. :) Today I spent several hours on a mountain in Honduras with two missionaries who are so committed to the vision planted in their heart... they planted Mahogany trees. For those of you who dont know...thats a twenty year commitment before you reap a harvest.

Whether or not that is there intention, the land, which they have only occupied for one year, is teeming with more varieties of fruit and vegetables than I can possibly remember. The goal is to be self supported agriculturally. Why?? It gets better.

This young couple are building small houses to house orphans and abandoned children. Infact the UNICEF statistic is approx. 180,000 children are orphans in Honduras ALONE. Apparently this doenst count abandoned. These amazing visionaries have already built a library, two or three livable homes and are on another with plans to house 40 children. They are setting a standard of small groups that a house mother would stay with each one in the home to create a family atmosphere and live

off the land. They have approx. 100 acres.

If you have a heart for children and what to support, read about or even be an intern (being a house mother or more) check them out at www.givehope2kids.org

I have attached a couple photo's but after 250 pictures (no joke) I still couldnt absorb the intensity and beauty of there dream. In one year they have done more than some do in a life time. I pray they always have more help than they need, the kids that need to be there find the way, and the right house mothers or families are connected with Jason & Sarah.

God Bless their a.l.t.v. and for increasing my faith in what God is doing all over the world!

Whats your a.l.t.v.?

Its sure got me thinking about mine :)

Torn up for Christ

2009-08-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

For the last couple days our experience in the mountains has revolved around sorting, bed rest (pulled muscle in my back) and more recently the beach near La Ceiba.

Because we are not a group/team trip, our experience in Honduras is not task driven. We do have places to go and visit, but our pace is more about experiencing life on the mountain. Our service to Healing Hands aka.. Martin and Wendy Williams is more personal. Sorting rooms in the clinic, bagging medicines, whatever blesses them, all the while supporting and visiting Heather as she preps for the states.

Yesterday we took a bus into the city and Scott w/Missionary Ventures International came and picked us up. their ministry is based on the beach near Le Ceiba. Teams visit them also to do many of the same things that teams for Healing Hands do, except in different places.

We visited, toured and rested as there second story villa gives you a straight view of the ocean. It was such a place of rest and peace as Mrs. Susan had decorated the walls with scripture and borders in the main hall consisted of all the names of our precious Jesus.

Here is where my heart began to break. Suddenly Im torn up. Dreamless. Vision less. Empty.

A most bizarre feeling as I realize for all the aspirations and dreams of my youth were gone. What did I want to do with my life? Nothing. Where did I want to go? Nowhere.

For all the years Ive spent desiring to be in other countries or being sent out.. Im finally here, sitting in a hammock chair, swinging in the ocean breeze... and I have no desire to do anything. ........... HELLO? What is going on???

So I say to Heather Stewart just how I feel like blank canvas.. and she says..." God must be about to paint something." Thank God for good Godly friends :)

So here I am feeling undefined, directionless, empty. Crying out... Lord have your way in my heart and life.

On a lighter note.. great pics, great experiences, great people. God is forever awesome and His Glory fills the earth... no really.. Im witnessing it :)

Honduras - Official Day 1

2009-08-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

Okay .... Today was great! Laid back and amazing to tour three buildings on the HHIM Clinic "campus." We have the awesome task of trying to organize several rooms and getting the clinic ready for there supply containers!

I have a new fantastic friend named Rachel Williams who is the most amazing 13 year old on the planet! Shes a hugger and a hilarious young lady!

We moved boxes, played with machete's (yes.. I said machete's and they were HUGE) and I found a frog eating cat food... and.. he was the size of a small cat..LOL

Lots of rain, fellowship and now... the hammock... anyone who visits will love the hammocks! *note to self... buy one :)*

Im a bit grimy... but man... My Heart is FULL! Check out the pics on DreamBig Missions facebook! Mary Beth being sassy, Heather making faces and .... the giant frog.. Im obsessed with the giant frog :)

Landing in Honduras

2009-08-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

My Friends,
I cannot entirely express the amazing beauty of this country. Yesterday we flew from the United States to San Pedro Sulu. It took a connecting flight to arrive, but after land, ocean and amazing clouds.. we arrived. We got tickets for a local air plane and spent our 3 hour layover on the floor of a foreign airport chillin and visiting.

We boarded a small plane by walking out to it and going up the stairs like you see on tv J And twenty amazing mins later (which was a three hour bus trip if we hadn’t opted to fly) we arrived in La Ceiba. Right after we landed and our luggage was unloaded it began to storm ferociously! It was amazingly beautiful! Rain and storming against plush green mountains!

After picking up our luggage we walked out and hugged the neck of our dear friend Heather Stewart! We jumped into a truck and started our one hour trek up the mountain. It slowly turned from light to dark as we climbed a few thousand feet. All I can say… It was amazing!

Empowering moments....

2009-08-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

Empowering moment numero dos...

Seeing pictures and stories of other people praying and worshiping God. Gosh it makes my heart weep and hunger at the same time!

Just scanning other missionaries photos and trips and praying and worshipping in public... oh man... just tears come to my eyes. Strangers who know the same truth.... why is that so powerful?

I dont know but it is... and its empowering...risky...beautiful!

Oh God, give me the boldness to love, praise and pray big!

Empowering moments...

2009-08-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

Empowering moment numero uno...

Dont you just love overhearing people talking about God? Like in a grocery store and someone is standing talking to a friend or on the phone. Or in a restaurant and the table beside you is talking about His goodness?

It amazes me how encouraging it is to me, or what a smile it puts on my face and yet sometimes when I talk about God in public I find myself being over courteous by being quiet about it.

Satan is such a liar! Here my faith and day is strengthened and brighter by hearing a fellow believer who is a stranger give God glory.... wont I offer the same thing and stop worrying about the people who wont approve?!

God make me bolder that I would be unashamed!

The FruFru Female vs. The Emo Girl

2009-07-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

Okay crazy title right? Here is the inspiration,

I was talking to a friend who shared about her unability to connect with women who love fluff, feathers, and glitter. (I personally love these things however I often find a disconnect myself)
We discussed how there is a genre of women who are gentle, meek and so well put together that it seems effortless. In some groups, there is visiting, praying, laughing and a light hearted spirit all around.

Now as this may not be an introspective view of these wonderful women's personalities... something hit me about faces I saw in my head......... they mostly all had two parent homes, a middle class lifestyle as children and maybe their emotional blows where encased in a strong family structure. <--this strong family structure being paramount on future development.

Now.. I picture the people who don't connect with the above mentioned. The more emotional or artistically expressive female. I can personally use myself as an example, although I do not sport tattoos or enjoy death metal (which is an extreme stereotype) I am akward, often uncomfortable and struggle with emotional fullfillment. I grew up in a single parent home, latch key kid at 7 years old and although I did not have siblings to help raise, I knew responsibility early. And although I had a fabulous parent that raised me in church, I knew extremely deep sorrow and emotion before I was 10 years old. Perhaps if my upbringing had been tougher I would have been into death metal, because I was seeped in depression and had suicidal thoughts all throughout my teens. ( I feel like there could be a whole study behind this :)

So.. the point... your family structure and the support system you had or didnt have shaped you in a way you may not have noticed.

To all the bueatiful women who have a deep sense of security and your drawn toward gentle (and sparkly) bueaty, God shaped you to soften the world when it gets to hard.

To all the women who knew responsibility young, struggled through your adolecence and now pause before a hug.... God shaped you to be strong when the world gets to soft.

We were intended to embrace each other and together we are the strongest expressions of Gods Beauty and Love!

Following His Plan is Exciting not Depressing!

2009-06-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

This sounds like a statement that should be followed by the words... 'duh.' But I just wanted to take a quick moment to examine something I think many have experienced.

I just received an email from our pastors update on our Kingdom Builders building fund. It was reflective of the last weekends message and Gods excitement for our future. Then that one profound statement... "If you listen closely you can almost hear the excitement in His voice as He tells us about His dream for us." - Pastor Dino Rizzo, after quoting Jeremiah 29:11

Wow... excitement... I never thought of God as excited for me. Have you? I mean really, Have you pictured the almighty as being on the edge of His seat thinking about the plans He has for you? I honestly can say that I did not. And now... I have food to eat.. not just for thought.

My God isnt just telling me that He has good plans for me but He's anticipating them, excited for the amazing things He has for me. And here I am on earth going... "we'll these are my dreams.. but..... Ill do whatever God asks of me," like its a chore and Im hoping that its something I want to do. (knowing that I will love it, but the very challenge and growth does not make me anticipate the journey) All the while my creator, my savior, my inventor, my very own personal dreamer... IS. HE is anticipating my future with excitement.

Wow... just wow.

Do I consider His opinion or am I asking for Direction?

2009-04-28T15:35:00.000-07:00

Here's a thought...Am I walking through life asking God his opinion and considering His answer?

Or...

Am I walking In God asking him about life and asking for my directions?

I am afraid my answer is more reflective of the first question. I am asking God what He things instead of what I am suppose to do. It seems easier to ask His opinion than be dependant on waiting... for His answer.

Waiting... Walking not just considering.

Total of 40 lbs!!!

2009-04-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

Just an FYI months after I have started medifast... I have lost 40 lbs in 3 1/2 months. yayaya.. thats it :LOL

I LOST 11 LBS!!!! woohoo

2009-01-12T21:32:00.001-08:00

Just a little victory dance for the ever so glorious win! I started MediFast last tuesday and my weight in is on Monday's...so I stepped on the scale and got excited!!!

So I will track my journey with a heads up on my success. But losing 11 lbs in a week is great motivation for continuing on this path. Im eating great, I have tons of energy (in comparison to before) and I am encouraged. The same lifestyle as a gastric bypass but without the $15K and hospital time (not to mention the cutting of vital organs :)

I was driving yesterday and thought...'its like getting to live again.' Just think, the first 30 years you are figuring out who you are, and some times you wish you had made different decisions or perhaps what would life been like without this or that, or with this or that. Well, instead of wishing that I had had better health in my youth, the Holy Spirit dropped a way cool thought in my heart. 'If you were healthy then...you wouldnt appreciate it now and you certainly wouldnt be looking forward to the new adventure on the horizon. You would already just be.'

Oh yeah! A 'second life'...reality style.

He is just AWESOME!

2008-12-06T23:35:00.000-08:00

I just felt like saying something tonight. Should it spirtually profound? Funny? or Humility that this is like speaking to an empty room...being no one reads my 7 blogs.. LOL

But in a form of journaling, I just want to give an amazing account of yet another awesome church service in where the Holy Spirit shows up during worship. Two times in the last three services (that I attended) the Holy Spirit was so present you could feel and almost see Him (with your eyes closed of course.) Two weeks ago it was like if I reached over my head in this certian spot, I could just grap a peice of the heavens and then tonight it was like fog... fog surrounding us that was thick and full of Peace. We serve an awesome God, King, Almighty.

During worship tonight I closed my eyes, like I usually do, and i kept thinking if a mass of people were in a solitary place and worshiped with all our hearts, would God show up like he did for the Isrealites? I crave to feel His very realness all around me, a cloud, fire...fog :)

This of course was before the fog...I just now realized that..LOL

I felt like I was seeing nations of people worshiping God but it was less important that we were all in one place and more important that we were scattered among the earth. Worshiping just as strong as if we were a nation, yet being individually set among people who would not understand. How easy it is to pray at a meal when the whole room is christian....how challenging it is to bow your head by yourself. Am I the only one who feels that way? I think not.

I pray I stand as bold in a place with no believers as I can in a church full of them. I pray strength to shine as bright and not be tempted to down play my big belief because another might not "understand". I pray I am as tall in Christ, as intense in prayer and outwardly in love with my king as I could have ever been in secret.

A Spiritual Journey & Softball; a dimension of teamwork (Part 1)

2008-10-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

Who knew? (The depth of this message to me may resemble its length :)

Team work, seems to me, is developed once you become vulnerable to a team itself. You cant develop the real meat of what you can be to any team until you actually engage with one. Sure you can go to seminars – by yourself, you can read about team work – by yourself, and you can talk about what is needed from team work – sometimes to yourself…(?)

You never can really experience, grow, and flourish if you are not apart of a team. The key.. being the vulnerability and the potential of letting that team down.

I was not a kid who grew up playing sports. I infact.. was the kid not picked for the team or picked last. Don’t “awww” me… I was just a tree climber, not a runner. I was a Barbie player, not a ball catcher. I was playing tea and making mud pies, not pitching. This all catches up with the fact that, as an teenager/adult I loved to play lots of sports and I stunk at lots of sports. I always thought… I just wasn’t born with the talent and skill. What I did not know until a moment of Rama at my first practice was… even if you’re a natural, skill comes from practice and training. (Okay all you avid sports players… you may know this… but it took me 27 year to get this concept.)

Suddenly, I realized …. Oh my wonderful LORD! I can actually play one day and NOT STINK!!! Now the whole reason for this blog is to focus on the last statement… the words…”one day.” Ouch. Not now…”one day,” not tomorrow or the next week but “one day.”

You must endure the discomfort of learning. We will rarely, if ever, start out just ‘good’ at something. And even if we do…it takes years to perfect playing that instrument, drawing that picture or running that company. So between now and “one day” we must endure the discomfort of repeatedly crossing our comfort zone and do what we are currently ‘not good’ at.

And then… one day wake up and our music is more lovely, our art is a masterpiece and our businesses are thriving.

God showed me that the reason I never tried was because I didn’t treasure the value of achieving through failure. I stood in that outfield being terrified of a ball thrown in my direction. I repeatedly looked ridiculous and thought… why did I sign up for this embarrassment for? He quickly answered…every fear can drive us toward or away. So many times in my life I walked away or faded into the back ground because I didn’t want to disappoint, embarrass or expose my vulnerability. And this is one way the enemy keeps us from achieving our purpose and dreams.

It will be awkward! It most likely will be embarrassing! And you don’t show up knowing, you have to be taught! But afterward…EVERY MOMENT was worth it. How much He loves me, to let me learn this. And in every game, someone sacrifices playing so I, the handicap, can participate. Every fear; will they lose because of me? Will I fail them? Will they be disappointed in me, comes up. Yet with their incredible encouragement and continual sacrifice, I learn what a real team is and I stop living on the side lines.

To show up and be a team member, especially when its your first time at anything – everything becomes about humility. I'm not talking about the .. “oh your so humble” humility. I'm talking about the … “man I'm trying not to be humiliated” humility. Yet how can I actually play, throw, catch or run...if I don't learn, practice and look ridiculous first?

Thats it for now :)

Restoration vs. Removal

2008-10-16T22:13:00.001-07:00

Acts 3:19-21
"...Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord ; 20. and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you, 21. whom heaven must receive until the period of restoration of all things about which God spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets from ancient time...

I work for an awesome man of God who is a root canal specialist. If you've ever had a root canal, then you might know that it takes time and somewhat tedious. My boss was sharing his experience with a friend who needed emergency surgery. He was making a point on how the surgery, an appendectomy, only took the doctors an hour and half. (For those of you who are surgeons, its not making light of the amazing work you do! :)

The point he was making was that in his particular field, he stated, on a difficult case can take up to 6 hours from start to finish. (Don't be scared, THOSE appointments are broken up over different days :) I can attest to the degree of patience these procedures require. Tiny canals inside your tooth, viewed with a microscope, in an open mouth with the reflection of a mirror being your primary tool of seeing inside... get a complicated picture? Even for me, the few times I have assisted him, I am quietly ewwwing and aaahing behind my mask.

Whats the point?? He's restoring a tooth. Keeping something that is dying alive.
Sure, you can pull the tooth, throw it away and maybe never hurt again. But function is now gone, usefulness is gone, purpose... is gone. Not only that but the bone needs the tooth to grow/live properly. Without the tooth is slowly breaks down and apparently becomes porous. (ask your dentist for details, I'm just the help :)

Restoration restores life, function, usefulness, PURPOSE. That's why restoration takes 6 hours and removal takes an hour or two. So the next time you are wondering why it seems to take God so long to RESTORE what has been stolen, lost, or broken... remember it was just too valuable to be removed. He has life, function, usefulness and PURPOSE for the stolen, lost and broken things in our lives. Even His return awaits 'the period of restoration' that it takes for Gods PURPOSE for us to be played out.

a movie moment...

2006-09-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

After months of searching for a location for a special event that my company is hosting...the few options I had were less than desirable. The locations might have been nice, but the expense was more than a non-profit can afford. After months of doors closing, but having high hopes... I settled into a chair to encourage a resident about their struggles.

Having just shared the "updated' situation with my boss, he walks in and hands me an envelope, he adds "try this..."

Pulling a brightly colored, holiday themed letter out of an envelope, the first line read..."Need a location for your Special Event?" I suddenly felt like Jimmy Stewart and wanted to look over my shoulder! Yes, Yes...I do!!! I just started grinning as I read the rest of the page. I showed the paper to the woman sitting across from me, which gave such a grand opportunity to prove how much God IS involved in our lives.

After my meeting, I called the number on the page and after a few attempts I received a message, in return, left one. Today... I received a surprise visit. The very person, who sent me the letter, not only received my message but decided to visit me!!! After an honest conversation about my situation, and sharing that her letter was like a light from heaven, we made arrangements to see the building tomorrow!!!

GOD IS GOOD! Later I got to share this amazing story with a friend and tell them about Gideon. Just earlier today before my special visit, I knew... if God didn’t show up...It was not within my ability to make this happen! And God showed up! Although there are still obstacles to overcome, He has given me more hope and faith to press in and know that He is watching.
I want to remain unable, so that all my blessings are to HIS Glory! Like my pastors say... Dream Big...Bigger than you can accomplish by yourself!

Chick Night!!!

2006-09-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

Wow, let me tell you how awesome Pricilla Shirer is!!! Talk about delivering truth and impacting your world!!!

Last night was a Chick Night at HPC and we had Pricilla as a guest speaker. She talked about the things of this world that God is calling us away from in order to take full rest in Him. In order to run to the Father, we are running away from things...

Those things were:

Come away from temporary circumstances. John 11:2
Come away from doubting God.
Come away from being caught up in customs.
Come away from gambling with Gods grace.

Allow God to come in and renovate, when you invite Him in!

Check out www.priscillaspeaks.com & Be blessed!!!

Birthday Blessings!!!

2006-09-16T23:36:00.000-07:00

Unbelievably, as of the 14th, I am now 25 years old. Wow...it actually feels different. As the last few years have been a blur, I understand the amount of wow that friends have tried to explain in previous years. As silly as it seems even my approach to the day was more bold and vocal.

As life is just beginning, I have reflected on the "growing up" factor the last few years...still in amazement that we are just not 17 anymore. I decided to blog these thoughts because the day brought a multiple amount of spiritual blessings and I want to remember the Gifts God layed before me.

Authority. A bold word...not just by font adjustments either :)
We are given the authority through Christ to affect not only our day but the day of the lives around us. How much do we embrace that authority? I, myself wish I was much more devoted to the pulling down of strongholds and the calling upon Gods grace, however I find myself frustrated with my flesh.
This authority isn't because we deserve it. It's gifted to aid us in the walk that is laid before us, like tools for a journey mapped out by the Father.
Will I exercise this authority in obedience by claiming healing, life and grace for Gods people?

Rebellion.
No matter how much I submit, God continues to peel another layer of definace from my flesh. A year ago, I didn't feel defiant or rebellious. I saw my struggles and "lack of discipline" as a short coming or thorn in my flesh. Yet as I prayed for truth and light, and I began to confront my commitment to dicipline, the more evident truth came out. I have been rebellious. I have been rebellious to change from a long time comfort, companion, dare I say friend? Justification.

I hear repeatedly that if you aren't changing, then you don't want it bad enough. When will that time come? When will I want it bad enough? When do I win? I am claiming that all my weaknesses will be my strengths in Jesus name!!!

Truth.
OH BOY does it hurt! But I will not shy away from it! I will continue to pray that truth be made known to my heart and that I will embrace its blade that cuts away at my flesh, even if in tears, Lord make me strong in your discipline. For God says He disciplines those the loves!!!

I will leave it there fore now...I actually wanted to write a specific word that God showed me, but in my procrastination I waited a couple days and now cannot remember. I pray this is a lesson to remind me to write when God speaks. I hope to add to this, it was a pretty awesome word.

Family...claimed by a name!

2006-09-08T15:20:00.001-07:00

Gods timing is incredible! People and things that we dont think about on a regular basis, can suddenly pop into our heads one day.

Yesterday, I was reminded of a forgotten and broken person. Someone who was actually in my family! Eighteen years ago my second cousin accidentally took a life. He himself, was only 15 years old. All this time later, bearly remembering what his face looked like, but remembering the drama as a child... I began to think about his life. In a search for his wereabouts, I discovered that one day, reshaped his entire life. Today, he is still paying the price.

Thinking on the family that forgot about him, including myself, I was broken hearted. My very own family, a loved one, feeling forgotten. Then God began to unveil more...he isnt even my blood. He is adopted, once greatly loved and cherished, then brushed aside. The very fact that he bears the same last name, he might as well be my brother. Weither by name or blood, I can claim the restoration of his life according the the blood covenant through Jesus Christ. Just as Jesus has claimed ourbroken lives through His sacrifice.

How incredible and beautiful is the love of Christ. That we bare the same last name as the Father. Claimed and cared for because we are family. That miles, nor years could ever seperate us from being on His mind at all times. That He wants so much for us to be released from years of bondage, brokeness and heartache. We are not forgotten!

How timely a word for our current series at church. And when this cousin is quite sure that a world has moved on without him over 18 years...that a family has forsaken him...God has not forgotten him.

2006-09-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

This is just for starters. I dont know how faithful I will be, but I know one day I will be glad that I started this process.

Lamatations 3:21-23 says:

Yet this I call to mind, and there fore I have hope because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail! They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.

This scripture is extra special to me in this season! After singing for years that "His mercy reigns.." and that ".. they are new every morning..." yesterday God reminded me just how His compassions wont fail us.
Have you ever been to a place where it seems that because of disobedience, stubborness, hardheadedness, etc.. that you will loose your 53rd and 54th chance? That God just might give up on you for whatever reason? My bible says he wont, but my feelings and mind reminded me just how low I was. I started listening to that tape recorder that told me that my failures and pity was going to cause my loving father to roll His eyes and say "forget it, I've given you a million chances to change..."
Oh praise God his compassions never fail!!! In my cries that He would not abandon me, He comforted me, brought me to a place of understanding and gave me the inner peace I needed.

I WILL trust Him. Trust means I know He will not abandon me, His word says so, and His word is above Him. I trust His words!
So after a moment of emotional drama, spilling how I really feel about different situations....being lost, trying to find my own peace... My Abba, picked me up, dusted me off, gave me wisdom and set me back on my feet with directions to my destination.

Hey.. I think I'm gonna like this blog thing after all :)